The holidays are finally over and I for one am happy. I may get some of you who think I’m a scrooge or the Grinch, and that’s okay. I have spent my entire life celebrating the holidays with every ounce of my being. The decorations for all the holidays, the parties celebrating everything from graduations to Christmas parties, and the searching high and low for the perfect gifts for my loved ones. I think I have done a great job being a mom, wife, daughter, friend, colleague, etc. But I’ll be honest…I’m exhausted. I feel that I may have continuously tried to outdo myself to create perfection. I have always wanted my family to be happy with everything, so I fear I may have done too much. In continuously trying to create perfection, I have burned myself out.
I had some of the women in my book club over the other night and we were talking about this very subject and the difficulties in getting family together. What I discovered is that we all felt pretty much the same! LOL! Trying to enjoy the season and keep family close and engaged are very difficult, especially during the holidays.
As we get older, our kids get older too, and they have their own lives now. They have boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, kids, in-laws, and friends that all vie for their attention too. It’s been a hard transition from when all my kids were home and confined to our four walls, to not being around at all during the holidays. One of my friends joked about having to do several dinners to accommodate everyone in her family. My other friend said she only gets her kids for Christmas breakfast, and then they are gone after that. Why do we stress ourselves out over this? I’m afraid it’s because we miss what we used to have. Maybe it’s time we realize that this dynamic is changing, and we need to change with it. And, it’s OK. This is part of accepting the change.
What I have accepted is that even though Christmas is a beautiful holiday; I’m not enjoying putting the energy into it anymore.
I’ve lost that loving feeling… Someone mentioned the other night about leaving after thanksgiving and not coming back until the day after Christmas! I laughed, but the more I think about it, I like that idea! After thinking out loud about it with my husband, I would like to see my family maybe spend a week in the summer vacationing somewhere and that be our Christmas to each other. That way, Larry and I could go somewhere for the Christmas holiday and relax, and the rest of the family could do their own thing.
The amount of stress that I have put on myself over the years during Christmas is silly. I’m so exhausted after it’s over and I’m not sure anyone in my family really enjoys the festivities anyway. Besides, It’s kind of robotic. Everyone opens their presents, and then it’s over. I liked it better when the kids were little, and we played with the toys and the day was filled with watching them laugh and play. I think that I might look forward to it again when I have grandchildren someday. My brother summed it up on the phone the other day, he said that “Christmas is for kids”. I tend to agree.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the part of the holidays where everyone is joyous. The getting together with loved ones, eating, watching Elf, listening to Christmas music, and the baking is wonderful. However, the reason for the season seems to have somehow been lost.
The season lasts too long for one. The stores put Christmas stuff out at Halloween! I remember when I was a kid it seems like the shopping season only lasted a few weeks. Now it lasts for months!
The commercialism has finally got to me, and I unfortunately have been guilty of being caught up in this for years. I made sure my kids got everything they wanted every year. Shopping for the perfect gifts to make sure everyone was happy. I remember even doing that crazy Black Friday shopping every year to Toys R Us! Getting up at 4 in the morning to go shopping! Nuts! Why do we feel so compelled to do this? I will tell you why, because making our kids happy made us happy. It has been very important to me, to make everyone happy.
Call it menopause or call it getting old. I don’t fancy the stress anymore. It’s not looking good on me. I’m wrinkling. I suppose as I get older I really am starting to care less about being perfect. Now, I don’t want that to sound like I don’t care about anything at all…I do. But, its time for my energy to be redirected to more satisfying things. Things that make me happy, or that I get a good feeling from.
After some reflection, I think I might need to start doing some volunteering. I used to feed the homeless, and it did make me feel good. I like helping people, especially those that appreciate my help. I’ve been throwing around ideas for different volunteering ideas and I like the idea of working at an animal shelter. Animals just want your love. The only problem is that I’d want to bring all the animals’ home with me… LOL
I’ve been hard on myself over the years trying to be a perfect mom, a perfect wife, and just…perfect. In doing that I didn’t do myself any favors. I created anxiety, stress, and resentment. I unfortunately created more worry for myself.
Menopause has historically been referred to as something that is negative, but I’m starting to realize that it’s actually creating clarity for me.
In the last few years I have realized that stress was affecting my body, my health, and my attitude. It’s time to change the way I do things. I’m excited to start something new.
Menopause should be a liberating time in our lives, and I’m really starting to embrace it. We start to figure out what’s important, who’s important and what really matters.
Bring it on 2019! I’m ready for some changes!